That Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of series emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. From awkward sequels to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third series started, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the last season. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers certainly found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the smallest of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the problems. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Performances so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have known it from this three-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

MobLand

Shady figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney rogues which seemed a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are forced to admit that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a poster for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Rather, the experience was like consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How does one follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.

Christopher Curry
Christopher Curry

Elara Vance is a digital strategist with over a decade of experience in web development and SEO, specializing in helping UK businesses optimize their online platforms for maximum impact.